


disc 13 after the day

by GalekhXigisi



Series: an idea a day keeps the depression at bay [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Disassociation, Nonbinary Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), maybe its mania love, slight dysphoria but not really, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:47:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28608525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: hey, there aren't actually dream smp spoilers in this but if you've watched the newest streams (1/6/2021 streams), this gets a bit angstier
Series: an idea a day keeps the depression at bay [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2096274
Kudos: 35





	disc 13 after the day

**Author's Note:**

> hey, there aren't actually dream smp spoilers in this but if you've watched the newest streams (1/6/2021 streams), this gets a bit angstier

It doesn’t feel real. 

It’s never felt real. 

Techno’s stared into so many mirrors, their lips buzzing, cheeks rosy, crown slipping. 

Would Phil be proud? Would he be proud if he knew what their thoughts consisted of? Would he still want to be near them if he knew what their mind constantly screamed at them, no matter the time? Would he even look at them the same? 

Techno remembers when they were young, when they injured theirself because the voices got too loud. Those were bad nights, ones where he would sit with them and clean the injury, would stroke their hair as they sobbed their heart out and sigh quietly. Techno never, not once, ever confessed what the thoughts were, not trusting Phil. They should have, they vaguely think. They should have said something, when they were young, to see if Phil would even stand them. Then, Phil could have kicked them out before they relied on Phil emotionally. It would have made things so much easier on both of them. 

Physically, Techno is aware they’re real. They have a physical form. They have hands that are sturdy and cauloused. They have a chest that’s big and bound. They have a stomach that’s always been there and they never feel the need to point out. They have arms that have scars from years of attacks. THey have hair that’s naturally pink and goes down so far that they have to put it up so it doesn’t touch the floor. They have legs with scars, too. And they have feet that look more like a pig’s feet than a human’s. They even have a tail that comes from their Mommy, instead of their Mama, who was a shapeshifter and didn’t resemble a piglin in the least. They have a physical form there. But everything else? 

Their shoulders don’t feel real. They can physically see them, yes, but their shoulders weren’t always within view. They think they may have a face, but it’s only a thought as they stand in front of the mirror, pulling at their face in an attempt to prove it’s physicality. Their cheeks are chubby, nose resembling a pig’s snout. There’s a scar across the bridge of their nose that extends to their left eye, ripping at the eyelid but never having breached to the surface of their actual eyeball. Their eyes themselves, though, are unsettling. The left’s iris is blue while the right’s is red, black overtaking where the white should be. Their brows are pink, too, lighter than their hair. There’s even more scars along their jaw and a handful across his left cheek with the biggest scar, too. The hair falls over their face and distracts from the heavy amount of piercings they’ve done their own self because they had the time and the materials. Their ears are sharp and don’t look human. 

They pull at their face and stare in the mirror, wondering what would happen if…

If they just…

If things were…

They don’t know. 

Their hands run through their hair and they slip the disc into the music player. 

They don’t know why it’s called disc thirteen, but they don’t mind it all that much. They think Dream had named it, actually, but they’ve never gotten confirmation. Tommy hadn’t named it. 

They think the noise is peaceful as they pull at their hair and grit their teeth. Why would anyone think so bad of it? 

(Tommy thought bad of it.) 

Techno’s vision blurs as tears burn at his eyes. 

He yanks his hair and squats. 

Silently, he wishes it would stop. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what's wrong with me but I would like to
> 
> Heres my discord server  
> https://discord.gg/eGkwayy


End file.
